HOW TO HELP YOUR KIDS ...So they'll get off your couch #1

We all want the best for our kids. We want them to be safe, happy and successful. When they're little it's pretty easy to know what to do. You teach them not to run out between parked cars, share their toys, be kind and say "please" and "thank you". But as they get older it's not always so clear. So what's a parent to do when your child is trying to figure out what's next?

#1 Breathe.

Stressing won't help anyone. It will just make your relationship tense and they won't want to talk to you about the things that matter most.

#2 Ancient proverb says:

Forget most of the things you know, especially what you think you know about careers and education. Well, maybe don't completely forget, just put it all on a shelf for now.

#3 Get up to speed about what you do need to know.

Change happens fast. New technology appears on the market about every six months that changes how we do things, how we think and how we live. The world in which our kids will live is going to be so different from any other time or generation. So why are we continuing to use the same old model for education and career development? - Which by the way didn't work all that well for us.

#4 Stop asking the wrong questions.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" and "What are you going to do with the rest of your life?" are confusing and stress loaded questions for teens and twenty-somethings. They know the kind of world they face so how, in a world where change is so constant, can they possibly answer these questions with any confidence?

Most parents and educators expect that around grade 11 or so, kids will choose a career or education path that will fit them for the rest of their lives. Did you know the answers to these questions when you were 16 and 17 - and if you did, are you still doing that thing?

How can we expect them to have the answers when occupations they choose now:
- May not be there by the time they are finished school
- The occupation that they choose may change so much that they lose interest
- New opportunities and roles could appear that they would rather pursue

#5 Help them find answers to questions that make more sense:

Who am I? What are my skills, abilities, interests, preferences and personality?
What do I want to do?
What do I want to have?
Where do I want to go?
What type of person do I want to be?

The answers may not come right away but if you give them opportunities to explore, experience and experiment they will gain the confidence they need to make decisions about their education and careers.

#6 It's not a race!

Developing a career for the future is not about being first or about reaching a specific destination it's about embarking on a journey, a journey that will lead to their own definition of success. So back off a little, stop stressing, relax and encourage them to step out and head in a direction that's right for them.

Here's a quick little clip that might help you "see" what's ahead.



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DON'T WORRY!

Wow! It has been a long time. Lot's of things have been keeping me busy but here I am ready to help you get your kids off the couch and onto a track that will get them going.

The other day I was thinking (yes, I do that once in awhile) about a time when one of my sons, who was in his second year of college, came to me and said, "I'm quitting school, I'm quitting my job and I'm moving in with some buddies of mine who are at university - not to go to school there, just to hang out and figure out what I want to do."

My first thought was, "Hello! Me, a career counsellor." But we know that our kids don't always want to hear what we have to say and they certainly don't want us to "practice" on them. So I wished him well and off he went.

This was not the way I had envisioned it though. It was definitely not part of MY plan for his life. He's really bright and had so much potential and I was a little worried that he would get way off track and that time was a-wastin.

As we know though, our kids are way smarter than we are and he proved me wrong (again). After about five months he decided he was going to go to Japan to teach English. He was hired by a company, put everything in order and off he went to live 12,000 miles away. When he returned a year later he was a different person. Life changing experiences helped him to put things into perspective, helped him to figure out what was important in his life and the direction he wanted to move in. He began working as a youth speaker, travelling around North America to schools and youth leadership conferences, sharing a powerful message with teens and twenty-somethings "Take control and create the life you crave." He has created an incredibly successful career for himself - oh, by the way he went back and finished school.

So for you parents who are frustrated because your kids aren't following YOUR plan - don't worry. They'll figure it out. Most kids know that they need some form of post-secondary to reach the success they want. They might need a little bit of help though, so be prepared to help them find opportunities to explore, experiment and experience either close to home or maybe a few thousand miles away. In my next few blogs I'll be sharing some ideas that might help you help them.

If you are interested, have a look at what Ryan (my son) is doing now - I'm definitely a proud mama. www.ryanspeaks.com www.makeyourownlunch.com

You might even pass on this video clip to your son or daughter for them to watch while they are still sitting on your couch.

Make Your Own Lunch TV: Episode 003 from Ryan Porter on Vimeo.

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CAREER DEVELOPMENT - OUT OF STYLE

In a world where change is fast and constant, it is astonishing to me that we are still pressuring our kids to answer a question that just doesn't make sense - "What are you going to be when you grow up?"

Unfortunately, those that are supposed to be helping and guiding teens and twenty-somethings to make important decisions, are using an old model of career development; a model that's never really worked for the majority of people. A model that's based on a world that no longer exists. A model that expects young people to make that one BIG decision about their career and education around the ages of 17 and 18.

Teens and Twenty-somethings are made to feel that if they don't choose the "right" career or post-secondary education right now, their life will be ruined. No wonder so many of them become paralyzed and procrastinating, living way beneath their potential, sitting on your couch. Think about it. Did it really work for you to make a decision in grade 11 or 12 about what you were going to do with the rest of your life? Are you doing that thing now? If you are you join a minor 13% of Canadian adults who are actually doing what they once dreamed of. While the majority of adult Canadians are not (a whopping 82%!).


Which category do you fall in? Are you like the millions of adults who feel stuck. Do you feel that's just the way it's supposed to be? You grow up, you get a job (and even if you don't like it - you have responsibilities) and you work until retirement. Did the idea of choosing - actually deciding what you wanted to be, go to the same place as your belief in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus?

So why - when the world has changed so much and continues to change at the speed of lightning, do we expect our kids to use this same way of choosing a career and suppose that they will find success?

If you really want to help your kids make confident career decisions, tell them to stop thinking about what they want to be when they grow up because when they grow up, even 5 years from now, things will have changed. Help them prepare for the bigger picture. Help them to answer questions that will show them possibilities and options that are right for them. Questions like, What do you want to do?, What kind of life do you want to have? Where do you want to go? and Who do you want to be?. Discovering and acting on the answers to these questions will give them control over creating a life that's filled with amazing opportunities and possibilities, no matter what changes the future brings.

Check out Ken Robinson's talk on helping kids find out who they are. He's entertaining and is a great education visionary. He has a true understanding of how we are or are not preparing our kids. Have a look and then let me know what you think. I'd also love to hear how you ended up in the career or occupation that you have.

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YOU NEED TO KNOW

When the kids get off your couch and move away from home whether it's for school, work or just to gain some independence, you'll probably wonder if you've taught them all they need to know to survive. (...So they don't have to move back home.) What if we turn the tables for a few minutes?...What do YOU need to know before you unleash them into the world?

You need to know that you have taught them the best you knew how and now it's up to them to take what you've given them, decide what parts they want to keep and what parts they will want to find out for themselves. (Don't be offended at the parts they choose not to take.)

You need to know (or remember) that you probably didn't know what you wanted to do with the rest of your life at their age - and if you thought you did, you probably aren't doing it right now.

You need to know that your reality will not necessarily be theirs. There is plenty of reality to go around so let them dream a little, help them to set goals and treat the barriers they meet as challenges.

You need to know that their journey will be as important as the destination. If they keep an open mind they will have great experiences and find amazing opportunities to create a life they'll love.

You need to know that they really do value your opinions about education and careers, so prepare well to be their career coach.

You need to know that "hot" jobs are only "hot" if it's what your son/daughter loves to do or would be interested in.

You need to know that all kids are "gifted" - just in different ways. Encourage them to have experiences that will uncover their abilities while discovering the possibilities.

You need to know that 30 is the new 20 and that the average young adult doesn't really show signs of real independence until about the age of 26 - oh and you also need to know that half of those who leave home will return - so don't get too settled!

You need to know that this list could go on forever because times change, kids change and our jobs as parents won't ever really be finished - there will always be something new for us to know.

I'd love to hear what you think parents of teens or twenty-somethings need to know.

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The Best Advice for Your Teen or Twenty-something

A certain business and office supplies company advertises it as "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". The time of year when parents are excited to get their kids off the couch and heading out the door. Whether the destination is school, work or travel, parents are usually pretty happy to see their kids moving forward with their future.

For some parents, it's a time of mixed emotions; bitter-sweet feelings of happiness for their child because they are on to new and exciting adventures, a little sadness because there's a part of life that is changing and a touch of guilt for being so excited at the prospect of having the house to themselves. It can definitely be a time of excitement but also a time of trepidation and anxiety, especially if this is the first one out the door.

As parents, we wonder if we've taught them what they really need to know to become independent, mature, contributing adults. We wonder if we've given them the right advice, and we wonder if they'll really make it out there as we lock the door and close the curtains. Maybe the worry is because studies have shown that a full 50 percent of them will want to move back home.

I was driving in my car on the weekend and heard one of my favourite "songs". I thought that with school starting in a couple of weeks, parents might find it helpful. It's filled with what I think is some of the best advice you can give your teen or twenty-something as they get ready for whatever their next step is.



In my next blog entry I will be sharing Things You Need to Know Before You Unleash Them Into The World (So you can sit back and relax on your couch!)

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4 Simple Secrets to help you Wake UP!

Actually this entry isn't for you mom and dad. Of course you can read it but it's really meant for "them". You know, the ones who haven't figured out what they are going to do with their lives. The ones who are comfy on your couch...

You might want to send them a subtle message by forwarding it to their email, or by leaving this page open on your computer with hopes that your teen or twenty-something might notice or you might prefer a more direct approach, "Sit down and read this...now!"

"Some people dream of doing great things. Others wake up and do them." I have no idea who wrote this but I think it's brilliant.

The world is full of dreamers...those who are content with blissfully imagining what their life could be like, the things they could do, the people they could meet and the places they could go. However, they are usually the ones who live beneath their privileges, feeling lost, frustrated and unfulfilled.

Don't get me wrong. I think that imagining or dreaming can be a powerful step to creating the life you want. The problem begins when dreaming is all that you do. You might be comfortable for awhile but sooner or later you'll realize you've been "dreaming" your life away.

To begin moving forward to a great life and to help you get up and get going, here are four simple secrets (they must be secret because so many don't do them) that might help you "Wake UP!" and get Off Your Couch.

1. Be honest with yourself:

Find a place where you can be by yourself without any distractions and where you won't be interrupted. Take this time to make a list of the things that you are putting off and procrastinating about. This isn't about making excuses. Be upfront and honest about the things you are dragging your feet on. Things, that if you changed, could actually move your life in a forward direction. Your list might include homework, studying, finishing school, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, finding a part-time job, getting rid of toxic friendships or figuring out what you're doing after high school, college or university. Once you have your list, choose which self-defeating habits you want to change, create a plan to make it happen and then get moving.

2. Brainstorm ideas for your possibilities

Consider what you want to accomplish with your life. Forget about what others say is "realistic". What's real for them may have no meaning for you. Imagine (yes, it's okay to do this) what you would do if you absolutely could not fail. Create lists to answer the following questions, "What do I want to do?", "Where do I want to go?", "What do I want to have?" and "Who do I want to be?"
Let your mind fly a little - no restraints.

3. Get off your couch:

There has never been a time when more possibilities and opportunities have been available for you to achieve your dreams and goals than right now. For some of you, that might be the problem. You feel like you are drowning in the limitless options and you become paralyzed because you don't know which ones to choose. News flash...most of your career and education choices will not be fatal. So pick one or two and investigate them. See where your action leads you. Weigh the options and choose the one that is best for you at this time. Plan what you need to do to make it happen. You will be amazed at the places you go and the things you'll do just by taking one step at a time. If you are still having trouble getting off the couch - at least make your time productive and read a good book like "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. It's a great read about personal discovery, creating opportunities and living the possibilities.

4. Wake up, now!!

Now that you've got lists of your possibilities, go and DO SOMETHING about the ideas that have most meaning to you at this point in your life. Robert Louis Stevenson, (in case you missed it in English class, he was a famous author) said, "You cannot run away from a weakness. You must sometimes fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?" What a cool question. Why don't you wake up and make the changes toward the life you want, now? Ask yourself, "What would a life I don't want look like?" (You might find that picture the easiest to imagine because you are living it right now.) "What will happen with my life if I don't make changes now?" "What pain will I cause myself if I don't do something now?" "What opportunities could I miss?"

Whatever direction you are going to take, stop hitting the "snooze button" in your life. Stop ignoring your wake up calls and go live a life you'll love!

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Gap Year Experiences - The New Education

I have learned that it is hard to be a parent.

It is especially hard to be a parent if you have kids! I wouldn't change any part of it though - Well maybe that's stretching it a bit. There really are times that I wouldn't want to replay - a few too many to list here. For the most part though, raising five teens has been an exciting experience!

It's been a great ride, despite the kazillions of dollars we've spent on raising a family, the ten years in diapers, the 80 kid birthday parties, the 130 parent/teacher interviews, the countless late nights and early mornings, the tears, broken hearts, and anxious moments. I made it through the terrible twos, ten-year old boys, dating teens and now we are in the twenty-something stage. Each one of them is talented in their own way, which I'd love to take credit for but really I believe that their accomplishments and gifts are in spite of me and my efforts.

Two of my twenty-something sons just returned from traveling in sunny Nicaragua, Honduras and Guatemala. One has been gone for almost a month and the other for two weeks. They met up in Guatemala City to finish off the trip together.

I'm excited that they have the desire to go and explore and experience new things. All of my children are this way. Their travel experiences have ranged from teaching English in Japan to doing humanitarian work in Europe and having the courage to move to another country to start a new life. Going outside their comfort zones has helped each one of them to discover their own paths, added to their education, enhanced their opportunities for employment and given them the power to create their own future.

Some parents might not see the value of traveling and having cultural experiences as part of the educational process. They may think it's a waste of time and that kids who are finished high school should just get on with their lives. By this they mean, hurry up and get into a college or university, get an education, so you can hurry up and get a job and become an adult with a mortgage, family and all the responsibilities that go along with that life. For some that might be the right thing to do. But for others...

Every year tens of thousands of young people consider taking time off after high school or their post-secondary education. It's known as a gap year and with so much to consider before making important, education and career decisions it is becoming increasingly popular. If planned well, a gap year can offer an extremely valuable, exciting and challenging opportunity for learning and growth. It can enrich their lives forever, broaden their view of the world, help them discover their passions and potential and create opportunities for their future. (It also get's them off your couch.)

A well-planned and executed gap year is so much more than just bumming around the world with a backpack and a few friends. A planned gap year not only provides lots of fun but also a sense of achievement and accomplishment as they rise to the challenge of making a difference. A gap year can speak volumes about your teen or twenty-something as an individual, both to academics and to employers. They will learn to live in a new environment, deal with the unexpected, become resourceful, develop skills, gain experience and the global perspective that employers are looking for and that can't be found in a text book or by writing an exam.

More and more colleges and universities are recommending a "time-off" or "gap" year as it results in students who are more mature, confident and focused on their studies. Harvard University actually recommends the option in their letter of admission. In an article entitled "Time Out or Burn Out for the Next Generation". William Fitzimmons, Dean of Admissions at the prestigious university extols the virtues and advantages of taking a gap year and recommends that more students consider the option of a year off between high school and college or university.

There are so many gap programs available worldwide, that will suit the personality and preferences of your teen or twenty-something. Possibilities include cultural exchanges, educational courses, volunteer work and structured work experience. The programs can last from 2 weeks to one year. Some of the opportunities include improving sustainable development in underdeveloped areas, working in industry, conservation and community projects, scuba diving and marine conservation, teaching disadvantaged children, ecotourism, art history, skiing and snowboarding, and wilderness expeditions - just to name a few.

Participating in a gap year experience is a definite alternative to a "victory lap" of high school which kids often take because they don't know what else to do. A gap year experience can be an important step in the education and career planning for teens and twenty-somethings, that will give them direction, awaken passion, increase motivation and get them off your couch.

If you or your teen or twenty-something are interested in learning more about how to make gap year decisions that are right for them click here.

Don't hesitate to email me with your questions or concerns at bporter.whatsnext@bellnet.ca
and check us out at www.whats-next.ca

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